{SUICIDE LETTERS & NOTES Posted on The Internet}

My name is Gary and I have come to the end of my life. The

burden of life itself is just to much to take anymore. The last

year has been like a black hole sucking me inward,

downward into nothingness. It seems as if there is no end to

my suffering I know of only 1 way in which to put a stop to

all this. I am just a burden to everyone and the world. What

does it matter if there is one less human on this

over-crowded dirty evil world. We'll all be out of here soon

the way humans are going I'm just checking out early.

Mom don't think I did this because of something you did or

didn't do, it's not. I'm can't control all these emotions I have

inside. I've always been a chicken so taking the easy way out

is my style.

Dad I know you never loved me and hated me for being

born so spit on my grave that should make you happy, huh?

So long and goodbye I'm out of here

See you in the after worlds,

GARY

2. I'm sorry that I hurt you all with what I did, I didn't mean it.

But I can't stand the pain, not any more day

I love him so much and now it's all over. He left nothing but memories,

each one heavy as tons. Every little thing reminds me of him. The radio

plays his favorite song, I got remembered by each furniture in my flat.

The world is full of him but my own world is empty now.

He kissed another girl and told me it's over and he didn't even hear my

heart breaking. He said he still loves me but doesn't stand do be with me

any more. It's my own fault.

He was all that I wanted and now he's gone, gone, gone

And my world is gray and cold and my life is full of tears

And my heart hurts physically when I think of him

And my mind is strong and tells me it had to end anyway.

I know it...but...it hurts so deep down inside

How can it hurt so much?

And I just wish for a little time without any feelings, just a little time

without this pain and this hurt that caused my wish to die.

Declare it as an accident

because my eyes were too drowned with tears

to see what I did

Declare it as a coincidence

because my mind was too occupied with thoughts

to realize what I did

Declare it as a murder

because he was the one

who broke my heart apart

The most painful death can't be as hurting as life without you, my darling.

I'll never forget you, never ever.

Goodbye, cruel world

goodbye, cruel destiny

You won.

I hope you're satisfied now."

Thanks

yours,

Mary

3.

I just need it to be over. I've tried to be good and go on but I'm tired. I'm

sorry for my children. You will be better off without a crazy-mixed-up

mother. You are great kids, this is something in me. You deserve better. I

can't live without you and I know you will just get mixed-up with me.

Sorry, mom

4.

To Kelli/Kattie...

I have done it to many times i find a girl so special than i f@#$ it up

because what i do or say to them i have had it. NO MORE. I have put these

two girls through hell i am worthless NO ONE deserves someone like me in

their lives i have never done anything right in my entire life i have

thought about this for several months and i have come to a point where i

see i will never be able to be who i want to be so f@#$ it i already

quit my job got rid of everything i own(charity i guess that was one

nice thing i have done in my life). I love Kelli so much all i can say

here is i am Sorry for wrecking your life Kelli i really am. Please

whoever gets this could you write to Kelli and say what i wrote today i

just don't have the courage to.

Please write her at xxxxxxx_xxxxxx@goplay.com Thanks

I AM SOOOOO SORRY FOR COMING INTO YOUR LIFE AND DOING WHAT I DID I

WISH

YOU COULD HAVE FORGAVE MY STUPIDNESS AND BECAME MY FRIEND

I LOVE YOU

KELLI W I REALLY F@#$ED UP SORRY

5.

- From Jaley -

Date: Thur, 6 Apr 2000 03:30:05 -0400 (EDT)

I have thought about doing this many times in the past.

I have even tried. Some of the times my heart just was not in it.

Other times I just did not succeed. This time I have. No more pills or razor

blades. I am going out in style. A single gun shot to the heart.

In the parking lot of the funeral home.

At least they will not have to go far to get me. I am so generous!

I am sure that you are wondering why I did it. Well, let me tell

you. My life has been f@#$ed for a good little while now. I have

everything most people want. Loving parents, a beautiful baby boy,

a wonderful boyfriend, a caring family, a few great friends, lots

of s@#$%^ acquaintances. The American dream. Yeah, right.

Let us stop a minute to laugh at that lie!

I am depressed. A lot of people knew that already. It is a chemical

imbalance. I have a nervous tick that many people may not notice.

I have been raped 3 times. My wonderful boyfriend is in jail for

murder. My mom has colon cancer. I quit school at 14. I have no

job. I have no future to give my son.

Mom and Dad, please do not blame yourselves. It was nothing that

you did or did not do. You were always the greatest parents. I could

not have asked for a better mom or dad. Please do not mourn my death

to much. Shed a tear. Maybe two. Then, go on about your lives. Take

care of my baby boy. Never let him forget me. I love you all.

May God be with you.

To the other people that loved me and cared about me. Thank you.

You were all wonderful. I love you all. I will never forget you.

Keep me in your hearts.

To the people that caused me pain and heartache. You know who you

are. The message is simple. Choke on your daddy's d@#$ while you

burn in Hell. Got that Mother F@#$ers?

With all my love,

JALEY

6.

Unknown Letter

Date: Tue, 29 Sep 1998 00:51:25

I plan to kill myself. My girlfriend was molested and i told

her mother

about what her father did to her after she broke up with me

because

i couldn't live without her and now she wont talk to me , her

mother

has banned me from seeing her and they think im lying . But

i have proof now.

So im going to copy the tapes i tapped my phone with and

send them to everyone

and then kill myself .... I'm not sure how i will do it yet , but i

think i'm

going to swallow medication a lot .........a lot....... Everyone in

this f@#$ing world

can go to hell now .When i die i hope it hurts them all . i hope

they all see

what they have done.....for once , i will win and no one can

beat me.

Unsigned

7.

To Whom It May Concern,

The hate that rages within me, rages not for those I love so dearly or

those who have crossed my path.

This hate rages full force towards me and only me.

I have long forgiven those who've hurt me, but I have not and cannot

come to terms to forgive myself for the things I have done to myself, and

the things I've done to hurt those in my life.

You have all touched my life in one way or another,

especially those whom I call family.

I cannot tell you how sorry I am for ending my life the way I did. I

hope that you can all find it in your heart to see it as way for me not

suffering anymore and that I am finally at rest with myself, for being at

rest with the guilt that constantly ate at me for so long.

Please forgive me all for taking my own life so early. I tried so hard

to fight against this strong battle. I have reached out for help so many

times, and yet I believe, I was turned away because of the things I did,

that it is a punishment I am willing to take, for I know that being who I am

has only brought myself and others pain.

I love you all and will forever live within the memories we created.

Forgive me.

Love always and forever,

Tania

8.

I hope this time is it, as I've tried before without much success.

Tonight I've been drinking a lot, I have 40 valiums and some heroin (½)

which I've taken moments ago. Also, I have 15 xanax -- and I hear xanax

and heroin alone can be a lethal combination. I just hope I don't end

up again in the hospital again, that's agony enough. I'm a peaceful

person and hope to leave in my sleep, rather than spat my brains all

over with a gun to my head.

I don't know what really brings this on, partly the psychosis and the

fact that i'm just that I'm tired of being s@#$ on all the time.

Ironically, when I'm nice, warm and caring -- it seems I get s@#$ on

even worse. Then there are those times where I can't honestly figure

out why they s@#$ on me. I know everybody knows I have mental problems,

and thanks to the few people who have really cared, however I can't be

everybody's outcast/scapegoat anymore, and to the people who treated me

as such -- well, find a new sucker, but be careful because the next one

may be more homicidal than suicidal.

In the end, I have only myself to blame for being so naive, and I have

done some soul searching to really forgive the people who hurt me the

most, so I can leave with no animosity toward my fellow beings. I'm

getting sleepy now, and keep nodding off from the heroin...<back> i'll

take the rest now, and just say bye (i hope).

I found your add at al.depressed.as.f@#$, and I hope you can say goodbye

for me. I didn't know the people there on a personal basis, but most of

them were kind to me and I'll miss them. They made brought rare

occasions of laughter for me when I was half dead inside. I guess I was

even banned from posting there which was my last refuge on the internet

after being kicked around so much ... I guess I didn't fit in there

either, and so tired of searching for a place to belong. Nobody ever

wanted me anyway , and guess nobody ever will and I can't take the pain

of the loneliness anymore. I just hope my family can cope without any

guilt, it's not their fault, it's my self-pity, selfishness and self

preservation that I can't live with anymore. I wish so badly that I

could love and care for another person, but in the alternative that's so

scary for me to reach out and just say 'help me' -- so many opportunities

to do so, yet I can't, so what's the use of dreaming about it anymore

when I my fear of rejection has prohibited me from saying three little

words: I love you -- not in my vocabulary. things would be so much

different if I could open my heart and let people in, but it's not going

to happen. Most people gave up much to soon to allow me to care, a

vicious cycle that can't go on any longer.

So, bye and that's it

9. I want to be able to tell someone. I know if I try to discuss it with anyone ahead of time, they'll

try to stop me. Furthermore, if people knew

afterwards, they would feel badly. It is enough for them to grieve me, I don't want them to feel

guilty too. It's no one's fault.

I have been depressed to the point of suicide before; however, there was always hope.

Circumstances today are different - there is no real hope, life would just be long and painful so

there's no point.

Having decided, I can't talk to anyone about it. Hence this anonymous account.

I am researching methods that will not be apparent - I don't want anyone I love to suffer the

double loss of knowing it was suicide. I hope to find something painless, but the more important

point is to not cause any more pain than I must.

I just want someone to know. I just want someone to know, even though you don't know who I

am, that it really was terrible. I have lived many decades doing the right thing, and suffering,

and I can't be the type of person who doesn't give a d@#$ about the right thing and I can't keep

suffering. Not without hope.

The pain just must end now. I can't keep taking care of everyone else and never having

anything for me.

I want to... I want to pour out my heart.

But I can't be specific, someone I know may see this.

It just hurts so badly, and knowing this time that

there really isn't any hope,

I have to go.

I can't fix anything, I can't change anything, and I love so much, and my heart is broken into

itsy bitsy pieces.

I'm sorry I couldn't be strong anymore. I don't believe in God, and I won't

leave a note to torment those I love, but wish SOMEONE to please forgive me.

I'm so sorry. I tried, I really did. That's all I want for my epitaph...

she tried her best.

I'm so sorry.

Good bye.

10.

I am going to leave this for whoever stumbles across my bookmarks later on.

I hate myself and I hate living. I think that if someone who knows me

reads this they will know who I am. So I will leave this unsigned. I am

an a@#hole. I have let everyone down and I feel as though I will never

change or never improve. I have a crush on a girl and I know that I am

not good enough for her because of my physical appearance. I have come

to believe that my life has all been meaningless. I keep trying and I

keep failing. I have thought about and attempted suicide many times in

the past. I used to think of my failure as some mystical way of telling

me that I was really meant for something meaningful. The only thing I

dread, besides the pain, is the way my family will suffer. I do not want

my mother or father to think that it was anything they did that lead me

to kill myself. I never really had any plans of leaving a note. I

thought that I would not be able to describe why I want to do this and I

am right. There is no way to tell you or anyone else why I dread every

new day. My father had such high expectations for me and tried to give

me every opportunity to improve upon myself. I let him down. I think

that I am a major disappointment to him. I lost my job and I am not in

college. I want my life to end. I am tired of f@#$ing up everything. I

am tired of people always telling me that they do not like me. I am

tired of trying to be decent. I hope that someone finds this post and I

hope that my parents know that I f@#$ed up not them. It is my fault I

screwed up my own life. Goodbye.

As for my signature I will leave you with a quote so that if anyone

reads this they will know it's me, "I'll swallow your soul".